The Professor's Mail Sack!

Keep those problems coming, everyone! Send you questions, concerns, and unidentifiable stains to DesotoInstitute@gmail.com If the Professor chooses or is legally compelled to answer your problem, you'll win a tea cozy, a 1974 Lamborghini Countach, the entire continent of Australia, OR the Desoto Institute Mystery Prize!*

*Legal Disclaimer - The Desoto Institute Mystery Prize is comprised entirely of the admiration of friends, family, and parole officers. Should your problem be answered and you fail to detect a change in your karmic balance, don't sue us - sue them.


Now let's get our hands on that sack!

Dear Professor - Is reality real? - Ghrey (Studio City, California)

Dear Ghrey - As we know, reality has been beset with problems lately, primarily due to sub-prime lending and shows like "Rock of Love 2". However, by applying what may or may not be Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, we can see that most of the people involved are actually actors pretending to be real people (many of whom are less than 30% organic). Given this chilling truth of quantum casting, we are forced to accept that reality is primarily unreal, what isn't is, and what is is still out of the price range of the average home buyer, due to the spiraling labor costs of social constructionism.


Dear Professor - How should I pick out what clothes I wear for the day? - Scott H (New Brighton, Minnesota)

Dear Scott - While my own personal research has indicated that clothing is not necessary, it seems that local legislation continues to contradict proven scientific fact. The simplest way to make a wardrobe choice, or any choice for that matter, is to use the Glasser Choice Theory which divides human need and desire into five basic categories (Survival, Belonging, Power, Fun, and Freedom). If you're dressing for Survival, wear full-body plate mail, unless of course you live in a highly magnetic area. To dress for Belonging, wear nothing but a fine layer of mashed potatoes, as this will let everyone know exactly where you belong. A Power dresser needs several miles of copper wiring, but is always a big hit at swimming parties. Dressing for Fun should involve light, breezy fabrics, and/or live fish. As stated earlier, dressing for Freedom is currently restricted to certain beaches, hippy music festivals, and Disney World.


Dear Professor - Would you please stop coming to our park? - Jerome G, Head of Park Security (Orlando, Florida)

Well, that's enough sack work for today, budding Problemologists! Next time I'll fill everyone in on my summer tour of Six Flags parks across the globe!